Believe it or not, affairs are not always a result of unhappiness in a marriage. If someone has an affair, it doesn't necessarily mean that something is wrong with the relationship.                                   

We believe that affairs are a longing or yearning for growth for a part of the self that has been lost.  Rarely is the affair about purposeful deception. 

When you have an affair you are trying to develop a part of yourself--you feel stronger, sexier, smarter, more whole and alive.  

You're feel like you're falling in love--but alas, it's with yourself. You are in love with the feelings you experience within yourself when you are with this other person.  It's not so much about the other person as it is about you.  

For whatever reason, you don't feel free to be that "you" in your marriage. It is not helpful to blame your current partner for your affair.  

The question to ask yourself is, "Who am I when I am with that other person?"  The key is to learn how to develop that part of yourself within your current relationship.

It is easy to confuse lust for love.  We hear it over and over again in our office--"I love you but I'm not in love with you any longer."  What most people don't know is that the newness of a relationship releases chemicals in the brain known as PEA, or what we call, "The Love Cocktail." The old adage that "love is blind" is true because you are high on drugs.  But after the lust settles and with enough time, the drugs wear off and the new relationship can feel a whole lot like the current relationship.  

One thing we know is that many couples create a crisis in their relationship when they are ready to change.  An affair is one such crisis.  We take a graceful approach and believe that if they could have figured out another way to improve their relationship they would have.